26 July 2007

Finding myself again.

Last night, my friend Erin Fletcher, a talented budding photographer, took photos of me for her portfolio. I frolicked in a grassy haven outside of Dallas, and it was wonderful. She kept thanking me for my help, but my heart was filled with gratitude for a chance to be awakened and put back in touch with my true desires.

It was the perfect time of day, and my skin felt like it was glowing. I laid in the tall grass and felt the blades brush my forehead. I skipped with a bouquet of flowers just like I'd always wanted to do. I felt like I was a child but also a woman. I felt renewed and feminine. But the big insight from yesterday was that I felt like ME. I've been talking so much about who I desire to become...and I realized that is what I already am. I was completely comfortable being in that field, with flowers and a flowy white skirt, and sunshine. Embracing my freedom. Embracing life.

So that is huge. That lifts a weight off of me where I previously felt I had so far to go to become that woman. When in reality, I just have to remember who I am during the moments when I'm not living out of my true self.

One other great thing happened yesterday. For the first time in about a month, I slept peacefully.

I do want to see the proofs from the photo shoot, but does it really matter? The only thing I really needed to take away from that photo session was me...

“Their soul melts because of trouble
They reel to and fro, and stagger like a drunken man,
And are at their wits’ end.

Then they cry out to the Lord in their trouble,
And He brings them out of their distresses.
He calms the storm
So that its waves are still.

Then they are glad because they are quiet;
So He guides them to the desired haven.”
~ Psalm 107:26-30

1 comment:

Suz said...

love this! i can totally picture you out in this field and re-discovering the you that was with you all along. love it! one of the moments i always remember of seeing you in your element was the day the breeze was blowing in your window at beechwood and you were sitting on the floor just painting and just completely content with who you were in that moment. :-)