My 2010 reading list...

Two books down in 2010 - so far, so good...

Left to Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust by Immaculée Ilibagiza
What broke my heart the most about this book is that the Rwandan genocide happened in 1994 when I was a junior in high school, and I knew nothing about it at the time.  Across the world, in modern times, innocent people were being slaughtered with machetes, and half of an entire country was murdered.  It sounds like something barbaric that happened in Medieval times, not in our lifetime.  Immaculée's story will break your heart, make you smile, make you cry, and help you believe that there is redemption in even the vilest of circumstances.  This book physically made me ill at times, but I couldn't stop turning the pages.

A Mother's Heart: A Look at Values, Vision, and Character for the Christian Mother by Jean Fleming
I'm so glad I read this before I actually had any children. It has encouraged me so much in the role I'm about to step into - its importance and beauty and the inevitable struggles that await me. But Jean Fleming does SUCH a wonderful job citing Scriptures and applying them to motherhood and gives great examples from raising her own children. My favorite chapter was "Roots and Wings" when she describes lots of creative ideas you can use with your own children to inspire them at home...more I'm so glad I read this before I actually had any children. It has encouraged me greatly in my soon-to-be role as mother - its importance and beauty and the inevitable struggles that will come.  My favorite chapter was "Roots and Wings" where the author describes lots of creative ideas you can use with your own children to inspire them at home and then encourage them to go out and contribute positively to the world.

Here are more books on my 2010 reading list...

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer

Through Painted Deserts: Light, God, and Beauty on the Open Road  by Donald Miller

The House on Nauset Marsh: A Cape Cod Memoir, Fiftieth Anniversary Edition by Wyman Richardson
I'm about halfway through this from my first attempt last year.  It's so different that any other book I've read - it's a man's account of his days living in a cabin in Cape Cod.  Very slow-moving but that's also what's great about it...

What difference do it make? - Stories of Hope and Healing by Ron Hall and Denver Moore

Jesus Wants to Save Christians: A Manifesto for the Church in Exile by Rob Bell

Grace [Eventually]: Thoughts on Faith by Anne Lamott
You know how much I love Anne Lamott.  This book that she wrote after Traveling Mercies and Plan B has gotten some negative reviews, but I'm going into it with no expectations.  We'll see.

Mudhouse Sabbath by Lauren Winner

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life by Donald Miller

Flies on the Butter by Denise Hildreth

Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God by Francis Chan

Summer at Tiffany by Marjorie Hart

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin

A Homemade Life: Stories and Recipes from My Kitchen Table by Molly Wizenberg

These Strange Ashes by Elisabeth Elliot
There's nothing I've read by Elisabeth Elliot that hasn't challenge me to the core.

Muslims, Christians, and Jesus: Gaining Understanding and Building Relationships by Carl Medearis

Have you read any of these?  What books would you add?  Would love to hear!

17 weeks.

So, I bought my first real maternity shirt at Old Navy, and here it is.  I also finally caved and started wearing one of those Bella Bands to hold the jeans up since they can't button anymore!  

I feel like I'm at that stage now where people look at my belly and suspect I'm pregnant, but it's not big enough yet - at least from the front - for them to be sure.  So they usually just look down and then back up at me and smile. 

In other news, I've been thinking I need a fresh change.  What inspired me was one of my favorite blogs, Walk Slowly, Live Wildly, that always makes me happy - the bright colors, the simplicity, the stories of their joyful lives.  Sara {the blog author}, her husband, and two little girls travel across the U.S. in an RV and believe in "living lightly."  They have very few possessions but are rich in friendships and experiences.   Their lifestyle not only resonates with the artist in me but the part of me that wants to continue living a more simple life.  Perhaps that whole RV cross-country thing is in the five year plan...

That being said, I'm most likely changing this blog and my website over to Squarespace in a few weeks.  I just wanted something happier, brighter and more dynamic, and Squarespace has incredible, easy-to-use features!  I've been working really hard on it and can't wait to unveil my new online "home" to you!

16 weeks.

Well, Baby Bailey sure popped out this past week!  Just like everyone said would happen, I woke up one morning and was surprised by how big my belly was, seemingly overnight.  Also, I've gone three mornings without getting sick at all!  Hallelujah, I feel like I have my life back!

I'd also like to say that I love my Mocha Club tshirts, like the "Connected" design I'm wearing in this photo.  Who knew they'd function as maternity shirts?  They come low enough to go around the hips and cover the belly without riding up.  And they just get softer and softer with age.  Perfect.

Yesterday afternoon, Steven and I seized the glorious sunny, 68 degree weather (in January!) and took a much needed afternoon trip to the SMU campus, our haven.  I feel stress dissipate and peace descend when I set foot on that campus full of old towering trees, fluffy grass, and calming fountains.  We spread our flannel plaid blanket under a pin oak tree in the sun and removed our Whole Foods goodies from the shopping bag.  For me: Sonoma chicken salad, woven wheat crackers, and a delicious, juicy navel orange.  For him: rotisserie chicken, red pepper hummus, and a mini baguette.  With the Adele Pandora station on in the background, we quietly ate and periodically closed our eyes to feel the warm sun on our faces.  I said aloud, "I'm so thankful I feel better so I can do things like this again." How I've missed the freedom of going out and just enjoying the world.

When I finished eating, I lay back on the blanket and reflected on how blessed I was to be there, with him, under a tree in the sun, with our baby in my belly.

Quiet mornings.

The other morning at about 7:30am, I had one of those moments, one of those "Lee Smith" moments where I realized, "This is my life, this is my real life, and I am living it."  I don't even remember where I found that quote anymore, the one in my sidebar, but I remembered it on this particular morning, overcast and chilly outside.  The dogs had both eaten and were curled up in their respective favorite spots, snoozing away.  Bananas were sliced, Cream of Buckwheat was simmering on the stove under the kitchen's dim lights.  I looked over at Steven who was writing in his journal, and in the best way possible, I thought, "This is it."

So many things are up in the air for us, from the baby coming, to Steven's job, to family situations.  But this is my life, and I love it.  I am thankful for its imperfections and that I have moments where I can stop and realize that this is the life I want, not another more glamorous or perfect one.  And that is saying a lot for an idealist like me.

Back to the moment...the tea kettle whistles for Steven's hot tea, and the oven timer signals that breakfast is ready.  I grab two bowls and place an open book face-down at the spot where I'll be sitting to eat.  This, to me, is perfect.

Oh, how I treasure these quiet mornings now, while I can, when the only sounds are the swish of my book pages turning and the gentle bubbling of hot cereal on the stove.

15 weeks.

Well, here is the bump, growing a little more each day. I have to remember I can't just bend straight over anymore without feeling a little *pinch*.  Also, I must apologize for the outfit.  I'm going to be totally transparent here and say that I wore those electric blue yoga pants three days in a row.  It was so bad that my husband, who never says anything negative about my appearance, gently suggested that maybe I should change my pants.  Oh dear.  They're just so comfortable, especially when my jeans are torturous right now.  But I get his point.  When you add the red hoodie sweatshirt that is now so short that the pockets are at chest-level, it's time.  It's time to give something else a turn.

Favorite foods of the moment:

• Refreshing smoothie: 1 cup plain whole milk yogurt, 1 1/2 frozen bananas, and the juice of 1 orange.   It's that simple, and goodness, it's delicious.  A little granola on top for some crunch makes it even better.  This is actually plenty for 2 servings.
  
• PICKLES.  MUST HAVE PICKLES.  My favorites are the baby kosher dills from Whole Foods.
  
• Baked potatoes with butter, sour cream, and sea salt.
• Crispy grass-fed ground beef.  Basically I cook it in the pan until it crisps so it's not too spongy.  There's no way I can do spongy right now.
• Eggs.  Eggs galore!  I'll never get sick of eggs.  I think I actually said, "Thank God for eggs" out loud the other night as I ate them for dinner.
• Cream of Buckwheat and steel-cut oats - with butter and bananas on top.  And maybe a dab of yogurt.

And here's a belly front shot...

A snowy place.

Sometimes I long to live again in a place that has seasons...perhaps one day, the mountains of North Carolina or Tennessee. It's 17 degrees in Dallas, and with that much cold, we should at least be able to enjoy snow on the ground...

"The wind was blowing, but not too hard, and everyone was so happy and gay for it was only twenty degrees below zero and the sun shone."
~Laura Ingalls Wilder

my parents' front yard in new jersey, a few days before Christmas

See the magical snow that fell last year...

14 weeks.

There is a human being growing inside my body.  At 14 weeks, I am still surprised everyday by the wonder of the miracle and the importance of the job we've been given.  What started as two microscopic cells will emerge in 6 more months as a living, breathing human being with thoughts, a personality, and a future - our daughter or son!  Will he or she have Steven's Asian eyes?   My bent towards creativity?  One thing I know...right around Independence Day, we will welcome our first child into the world, and our lives will never, ever be the same.

The understatement of the year: pregnancy is an emotional experience.  It started on a morning in early November when I woke up, peed on a stick, and before I could even put the stick down on the counter, not-one-but-two pink lines appeared.  "Oh my God..." I said as my heart started beating rapidly.  "It worked!  It really worked!"  No matter how many times you imagine yourself pregnant, you are never really prepared for the moment when it is happening to you.  I vividly remember the next thing I said aloud as I stood inside the tiny, locked bathroom with one hand on my belly: "Lord, I receive this baby.  I receive this baby into my body and into our lives."  

Then, I ran into the bedroom and shoved the stick in Steven's face with the instructions so he could verify.  "Look at this!  Look at this!"   For the next several minutes, we just lied there in bed together speechless. What else is there to say at that moment?  We had been given one of the greatest gifts. It was really happening.

For the next nine days, we had our own little secret that left us giggling all day long.  After we awoke in the mornings, Steven would greet me with a glint in his eyes, “Hey, Baby Mama...”  We were bursting for everyone else to know but had no idea how far along I was. So on November 19th, the day before we left for our annual fall vacation to New Jersey, we had an early ultrasound.  The ultrasound tech rubbed the gel around for a few seconds as I shifted nervously.  Then she said, "Yup!  There it is!"  And I saw it - a cute little being with stumpy arms and legs, and a tiny blinking light on the screen - the heartbeat.  Then, tears in my eyes, and a flood of relief.  Because no matter what the pee stick says, you really don't know what's going on in there until you see it with your own eyes.  I was already 7 weeks and 4 days along! 

The next two months of my life were dedicated to vomiting, gagging, and sleeping.  I barely made it on the plane to New Jersey for our annual trip at the end of November.  Nestled nervously in the aisle seat next to Steven {in case I needed to run to the bathroom, of course}, I clutched my bag of snacks - trail mix, pretzels, crackers, and bottled water - as if they were my flotation devices.  I concentrated on crossword puzzles and those Mensa games in the on-flight magazine to pass the time.  When we finally arrived in New Jersey, we excitedly shared the news with my parents over lunch at On A Roll.  For the rest of the 10-day trip, all the strength I could muster was to arise in the morning, hug the toilet, force down breakfast, and then stumble back into bed at about 9am for a 3 hour nap. Afternoon: same thing on repeat. Remember how much I was looking forward to Thanksgiving?  Let’s just say I might never be able to touch green bean casserole again. 

But I am thankful, so very thankful, that this, my first pregnancy, has knocked me down with sickness. Because the midwife tells me my hormones are “strong” and that means the baby is in there securely. I’ve never been so happy to be nauseous in my entire life.   What I realized during that trip to New Jersey when I had hours and hours to myself in bed: my body is not my own right now.  I am hosting another human being.  It just seems right that you have to suffer a bit in the process of bringing new life into the world.

"Had any weird food cravings?" people ask.  Thankfully, even my cravings have been pretty healthy, like fresh-squeezed grapefruit juice, for example.  I never could stand grapefruit juice before. Now I absolutely must have it.  Everyday.  I go through an 18-pound bag of Texas Star's in about three days and have kept Whole Foods' condiment aisle in business with the amount of crispy dill pickles I've consumed. 

Then there was a three-day stint when the only thing that sounded appetizing was an Italian sub sandwich on a hard roll with oil and vinegar.  Thank goodness I was in NJ at that point, where there's a sub place on every corner {I love you, Main Street Subs}.  After the sub stage, however, for days and days I insisted to Steven that our car smelled like a sub sandwich.  Bizarre.

And the aversions, oh the aversions.  I can barely even type the words oni_n or gar_ic.   So many things I loved to eat are now Repulsive with a capital R, and vice-versa.  Poor Steven.   He has endured my neuroses with such grace and fortitude {or perhaps just resignation}.  About a month ago, I woke him up in the middle of the night announcing that he would have to move to the guest room. "You smell like oni_ns!"  I exclaimed.  I had been lying there, frustrated, wondering what to do.  I couldn't sleep.  All I could do was smell them.  That horrid pungent smell.  Even though there were no oni_ons to be found.  But my sweet husband didn't even hesitate.   He just quietly grabbed his pillow and wearily shuffled off to the next room without a comment.   Now that is love.

So here I am, finally able to start experiencing the beautiful, fun part of pregnancy, and ever so thankful to be healthy, to have the opportunity to be a mother, to raise children with the love of my life. For awhile there, I was wondering if it would ever happen for us.  But at the risk of sounding cliché, His timing is always best.  It just takes patience and a surrendering of my own desires - two qualities I have a feeling I'm going to need quite a bit in the coming months and years, anyway.

Beautiful 2009: the year in pictures...

... A photo for each month of the year as a retrospective.  I enjoyed doing this last year and thought I'd take the opportunity to reflect on 2009 and all the blessings and joys we have celebrated!

"For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning."
~T.S. Eliot

JANUARY . . .

. . . icy home outside but a cozy home inside as the Year of Reading and Writing begins...

FEBRUARY . . .

. . . celebrating my hubby's 30th birthday with an Italian feast . . .

MARCH . . .

. . . a return trip to beautiful California to visit Marshall, Jen, and baby Ava.  Here we are in Palos Verdes . . .

APRIL . . .

. . . Greta gets a new little sister - Heidi Lou!

MAY . . .

. . . Amy comes to visit Dallas, and we have our first pool day of the season accompanied by juicy watermelon with lime. . .

JUNE . . .

. . . my first visit to breathtaking Colorado, where I want to return and never leave again. . .

JULY . . .

. . . 4 years of marriage with my strong, caring, thoughtful, wonderful husband - oh, how I love him!

AUGUST . . .

. . . 'lil reunion with Suz and Amy in Nashville - snapping a quick photo before the torrential downpour/hurricane blew us away. . .

SEPTEMBER . . .

. . . Lake Grapevine hike with Terrica on Labor Day. . .

OCTOBER . . .

. . . experiencing Key Largo's famous sunsets on a mother/daughter trip. . .

NOVEMBER . . .

. . . bundling up in the chilly New Jersey air for a day trip to Alstede Farms. . .

DECEMBER . . .

. . . my precious 7-year-old niece Ashley is baptized, and I cry like a baby.

I look forward to soaking up another year of this beautiful life I've been given!

Christmas movie essentials.

I'll write more soon, but for now I had to share the beloved Christmas films that have been on permanent loop at the Bailey house.  Who doesn't love the frumpily adorable Sandra Bullock in While You Were Sleeping and the mom who keeps repeating to herself at the dinner table, "These mashed potatoes are so creamy..."  Or precocious little pre-American Beauty Thora Birch in All I Want For Christmas?

A few more that must be added to the collection for next year:
Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
Miracle on 34th Street: the original
Polar Express
A Charlie Brown Christmas


If you have any other suggestions, please, share!

A night at the symphony.

Before our very eyes, Dallas is sprouting into an entirely new city.  Construction cranes stand like skinny skyscrapers along the skyline.  There are rumors that we'll soon have a public park that is built like a bridge over the freeway, and downtown Dallas is actually alive after work hours now, bustling with activity as people return home to their urban loft dwellings.

I've traveled so many places, but I thought it was high time I wrote about the city where I live.  I'm more of a "quaint town" person at heart, but there are so many things to appreciate about Dallas during this time in my life, even though it took me awhile to see them.  One of those things is our amazing Arts District and the Dallas Symphony.

I've always wanted to get dolled up in the perfect black dress and my leopard print heels and go to the symphony. It sounds so sophisticated, so cultured.  "Ah yes, we're going to the symphony tonight, just in case you're wondering."  For folks like us who live most of our days in tank tops and workout pants, it's definitely a rare treat.

Thanks to our friend Tommy and his student discount, we got second row tickets at the Meyerson Center to hear Rachmaninoff's Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini.  Now, before you think I really know what I'm talking about or that I've become a classical music aficionado, I have to admit that this is perhaps the only piece of classical music I can actually identify.  It was in one of my favorite early 80s films - Somewhere in Time with Christopher Reeve and Jane Seymour.

Here are a few photos to document our evening soaking up the Dallas cultural scene...

the baileys

the symphony warming up - look at that pipe organ!

the gorgeous inside of the meyerson

At the beginning of the performance I found myself a bit nervous and antsy.  We were roughly five feet from the string section, and the printed program had an extensive list of things you are not permitted to do - like cough, for example.  Uh oh.  Apparently, silence is prized at the symphony, and a silent pause can actually be a part of the musical piece.  So, everyone saves their coughs, shuffling of candy wrappers, and yes, even the clanging of their bangle bracelets {it actually said that in the program}, until after a movement is completed.  Then, the entire room erupts into bizarre noises, sounding like an infirmary as everyone lets out their stifled coughs and sneezes.

The performance itself was breathtaking - the violins were so precise that at times they sounded like a swarm of bumble bees.  And the symphony ended on the clearest chord I have ever heard - all of the horns in unison with a purity that forced me to close my eyes.  What is it about music that speaks to the human heart so?

Afterwards, the four of us walked to the car with smiles on our faces, agreeing that part of what made the evening so special was that it was so different than our normal daily lives.  We then headed to another Dallas hot-spot I've always wanted to visit - Reunion Tower.  It's the big sparkling ball that you see on the Dallas skyline.  At the very top is Wolfgang Puck's new restaurant, Five Sixty {because it's 560 feet above the ground}.

There, instead of dinner, we opted for the less expensive desserts: mouth-watering Fuji Apple Crumble Pie a la mode and a chocolate soufflé.  I don't have any photos of the desserts because we devoured them that quickly.  

tommy and linda at five sixty

It was such a fun evening!  If I have to fall in love with Dallas, a classy night out on the town is just the thing to reel me in.

Paradise, otherwise known as Bahia Honda State Park.

Is this actually where I was last week at this time?  It feels so surreal.

After we left Key West, mom and I headed up the overseas highway to Marathon Key, to a little hamlet in a cove called Bahia Honda State Park.  Wow.  It's been voted one of the top 5 beaches in the United States.  Can you see why?



I want to go sit on that palm trunk again and remember how the warm air felt on my face.  With the crystal-clear waters filled with silver-y tropical fish, and palm trees arching over the water to form a perfect bench, it seemed like a scene out of The Blue Lagoon.

It felt like it, too.

Even the area around the beach was filled with little treasures, like these adorable sea grasses that look like stars...



During our few hours at Bahia Honda, all we did was wade in the bathtub-temperature waters, swishing our arms back and forth, back and forth.  And wiggle our toes in the soft, white sand.

This was pretty much paradise to me.