26 March 2009

Still good.

I'm sharing my testimony, my story, tonight at community group. As I was preparing for that this morning, I was going through some CDs and "stumbled" upon this one: Sing Over Me. I put it in the DVD player to play it through the TV {I like that our TV is used for music now} and continued on with my morning, making breakfast, drinking tea...until the third song, which disarmed me.

It was "You are Good" sung by Nichole Nordeman {one of my favorites always}. I forgot this song makes the tears well up at the first word, every time. And then at this line, I completely lose it:
So how can I thank You? What can I bring?
What can these poor hands lay at the feet of the King?


{listen to the song here}

Because now, at 31, I really feel this. I feel so humbled and broken and sorrowful, yet full of joy and more whole than I ever have in my life...if it's possible to feel all of that at once.

For the majority of my life, I thought I was the good one. I was raised to love God and "worship Christ" {whatever that means} and to attend church, and that was what I needed to do to be a Christian. It was easy to say I trusted Him when I got A-pluses and everyone thought I was the best and I ruled the youth group.

Then, I didn't know Him as the One who is in the slums of India as much as inside my room at night, when I was so scared of the dark that I couldn't sleep. I didn't know Him as one who would rather my life be difficult with Him than comfortable without Him. I get it now...all those times, He was trying to win me.

I never want to forget what I felt at this moment in India - unworthy to even pray for these people who kept coming to me in this concrete room, in the middle of a pasture, so far away from everything familiar. It all felt so sticky hot and humid and foreign and uncomfortable, but at the same time, exactly what I was made for.

Tonight as I share my story, I want to celebrate that there is no goodness in me. I'm so glad I know this now. HE is good. So good.

When the Sun starts to rise and I open my eyes
You are Good, So Good

In the heat of the day with each stone that I lay

You are so Good


With every breath I take in

I'll tell You I'm grateful again

When the moon climbs high
before each kiss good night
You are Good


When the road starts to turn around each bend I've learned

You are good, So Good

And when somebody's hand holds me up, helps me stand

You are...So Good


With every breath I take in
I'll tell You I'm grateful again

'Cause it's more than enough just to know I am loved and
You are Good


So how can I thank You? What can I bring?

What can these poor hands lay at the feet of the King?

So I'll sing You a love song

It's all that I have to tell You

I'm grateful for holding my life in Your hands

When it's dark and it's cold and I can't find my soul
You are Good, So Good

When the world has gone gray and the rain's here to stay

You are STILL Good


With every breath I take in
I'll tell You I'm grateful again

Though the storms they may swell, even then, it is well and

You are Good


So how can I thank You? What can I bring?

What can these poor hands lay at the feet of the King?
So I'll sing You a love song
It's all that I have to tell You
I'm grateful for holding my life in Your hands


You are holding my life in Your hands

8 comments:

Christiana said...

This brought me to tears. Thank you for sharing your beautiful heart, and what God has done in it.

I'll be praying for you tonight as you share your testimony. I'm already pretty positive people are going to be deeply touched by your words, though.

Lauren said...

We love that CD- Ella falls asleep to it many a night. I'm so glad you're you, Christine- broken, beautiful, joyful and real...and offering up testimony *all* the time. Love you.

Susan said...

wow, Stine. this is amazing. and it's been so amazing watching you through this journey. thank you for this beautiful reminder and for the way you live your life for Him.

love you!

Kimberly said...

What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing this. God is so good.

Shawna said...

As you know - I am for sure a Nordeman fan. :) This is the verse that I love to sing so loud and that brings me to my knees every time...

"With every breath I take in
I'll tell You I'm grateful again
Though the storms they may swell, even then, it is well and You are Good"

I've been wrestling with His goodness lately, but yet I still confirm it with my lips and my heart peacefully embraces it.

Isn't it amazing that the only way we have full joy and peace in our times of full brokenness and humility? Yea. Good stuff. Thank you for sharing with us.

kierstin said...

i love your new blog header! xo.

robyn a. jones said...

would a beautiful testimony!

Monica said...

Christine - That's one of my favorite tracks on "Sing over me", too! I discovered this song for myself thanks to Nichole's performance on this CD, although I had heard it before by Point of Grace. There are moments when I experience this compelling feeling that God is soooooooooooooo good to me that it's almost unreal. And very humbling. And so encouraging. I really pray that this assurance of His goodness will hold and lead me - and you! - should life's circumstances ever get tough, unjust or sorrowful. I love how you put it into words: "I feel so humbled and broken and sorrowful, yet full of joy and more whole than I ever have in my life" ...